our tiny, yet amazing miracle

Our hearts are bursting at the seams as we announce our wonderful blessing!

So many tears, both happy and sad, have been cried over the past twenty months as we anxiously (and not-so-patiently) waited for this baby. For years we have prayed for this moment, and we are so grateful for our rainbow baby. We chose to keep this pregnancy a secret from nearly everyone, and even family members weren’t told until two weeks ago; we were terrified that I’d lose this pregnancy, so we chose to keep it a complete secret until I felt comfortable and confident that this little one would stay with us. We found out that I was pregnant only four days before our first IVF consultation with a clinic in Houston in December, so to say that Peter and I were shocked is an understatement. Even now, I still can’t believe that we’re actually expecting.

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When Peter and I moved to Orlando, we knew that we would be in Florida for awhile and both readily agreed to explore the adoption options in Florida. During my first appointment with an adoption agency in October, I was told that we were not good candidates for adoption because we live in an apartment and it can be viewed as unstable living; as it was explained, birth moms would not want to work with us because we wouldn’t be offering a house with a yard. We were turned away, and told to come back once we purchased a home. For us, that was a huge blow because we had only two weeks to relocate to Orlando for Peter’s job with the hospital and there was absolutely no way we could’ve purchased a home within two weeks, so we signed a lease for an apartment (that we love). We were crushed, but we were still hopeful that the many fertility pills I had been taking would finally work.

In November, I went back to Mississippi to see my OB that I had seen for twenty months for a last-ditch effort to see if all of the treatments I had been taking had any effect on me. When I was seen I was about to ovulate, so my doctor did an ultrasound; he saw only one follicle, an 11mm one, and a very thick endometrium. For months and months we’ve tried to get a follicle large enough to release an egg, being at least 19mm in size, so this low follicle size was tough news to swallow. He told me that this month “wasn’t a good one”, finally mentioned IVF, and recommended that I start to look for a clinic in either Houston or in Orlando to continue our fertility treatments. I was given a prescription for Provera to force a cycle within a week to “start fresh”, and I was instructed to take it when I got back home to Florida within 72 hours.

I dropped off the prescription at the pharmacy, and forgot to pick it up.

Had I remembered to pick up the Provera, I would have unknowingly terminated a pregnancy. This thought runs through my mind every single day, and every day I am reminded that this little one is an absolute miracle.

Before we found that I was pregnant, I had scheduled our first appointment with Houston Fertility Institute for December 23rd to begin the long IVF process. Paperwork was filed, the finances to fund the IVF rounds were already being discussed, and we were ready; we were finally at peace knowing that the “conventional way” of getting pregnant just wasn’t going to work for us. But something didn’t feel “right” four days before the appointment, and I ended up taking a pregnancy test on the 19th. I fully expected that it would have a big fat negative just like I had seen for so many months, and instead nearly fell on the floor when I saw a plus sign. I ended up taking five more just to make sure that my eyes weren’t tricking me.

Just as soon as we realized that I was pregnant, we became terrified that I’d lose this pregnancy like the five other miscarriages before it. We said nothing, we told no one. We didn’t even talk about this pregnancy for two weeks until I saw my new OB in Florida on January 3rd. The first appointment was filled with happy tears as we saw our little bean and saw its tiny fluttering heart, but within 24 hours a massive complication appeared: I was bleeding, and our world was turned upside down. I kept thinking to myself, “please not again.” I didn’t think I would be able to handle a sixth miscarriage.

Once I began bleeding on January 4th, I was labeled a high-risk pregnancy by my OB, and was referred to a maternal-fetal specialist, and a third obstetritian was added to my care team. The bleeding finally stopped after ten days of starting, and we couldn’t have been more thankful. With the high-risk label came extra testing early, and everything came back normal except my blood glucose test: I failed it miserably. I was diagnosed as gestational diabetic at nine weeks pregnant, but it’s something that I don’t mind working with because the end goal is worth every cut carb and sugar from my diet.

As of today, I am sixteen weeks pregnant and still seeing my three care providers about every two weeks. A birth plan has already been discussed, and if everything goes smoothly with the pregnancy, little one will be delivered by the end of July at thirty-eight weeks to keep the asymptomatic hypertension (like I had with Walter) at bay.

With being considered high-risk so early, Peter and I chose not to tell anyone that we were expecting until we had readily passed our miscarriage threshold and felt comfortable and confident with this pregnancy. Family members weren’t even told until we reached the fourteen-week mark, and keeping it quiet from everyone was a nice change of pace. While there were times that I wanted to shout our wonderful news from the rooftops, I still had (and have) this terrible thought that I could still miscarry at any moment. Our intention wasn’t to hurt feelings by not telling friends and family earlier, but if I’m being completely honest, keeping our minds at ease and not having to think about how many people we’d have to tell if I did lose the baby was worth it.

Regardless of what happens in the pregnancy, this baby is a miracle and our little one is so incredibly loved. Each day is a blessing, and I cannot express how thankful I am to wake up each morning and still carry this wonderful gift from Him. We are so incredibly excited to meet our little one, and we cannot wait to welcome our rainbow baby into the world in July.

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.  (1 Samuel 1:27-28)