It’s been two weeks since Peter and I had our Weimaraner, Lacy (Lulu), put down after nearly ten years with her. Lacy was our “first baby”, and the one who has been there for it all: college days, wedding, Army life in San Antonio, post-grad life in Oxford MS, and finally here in Orlando. She was there when we brought home Walter from the hospital (and snuck onto the military hospital grounds while I was on bedrest- whoops!), was there for snuggles after every miscarriage, and had her little nub of a tail wagging as we brought home Eloise. She was my couch buddy for all of those late-night newborn feeds and became Eloise’s best friend at home. Saying goodbye to our family member who had been such an anchor in Peter’s and my relationship, and our family, was so incredibly difficult for us all. It was, and still is, a tough subject in our house and the kids have grieved in their own ways- Walter has been saying that he misses her multiple times per day, and Eloise has been searching for her in the house and leaving goldfish on the floor for Lacy to eat.
Peter left for military training on April 20th, 2019 for three weeks with zero communication, and I had remembered thinking, “Okay, no one can get sick- I’m looking at you, Eloise!” and praying that Eloise wouldn’t have a freak hospitalization while Peter was away. I had given myself a pep talk about him leaving and taking Lacy out multiple times with both kids (we live in a 4th floor apartment), but having Lacy take a turn with her health wasn’t something that I had planned on. Yes, she was ten years old and laying down about 90% of the time but she still had energy- she and Walter would run down the hallway of our apartment to see who the fastest was. Other things happened that were unexpected: Walter hadn’t really given Lacy a ton of attention and he basically acted like she was a roommate, but with Daddy being gone, Walter would ask to hold Lacy’s leash and would want to be the only one to walk her. He fed her, he gave her treats, he loved on her.
Within a few days of Peter being away, Lacy had started acting strange. She’d “ask” to go out ten, twelve, fourteen times per day and I knew something was wrong. She couldn’t get comfortable at night, and she was starting to have accidents in the house. I had noticed a large bump on her right side below her ribcage and figured she had another fatty tumor (she had one on her shoulder two years ago while I was pregnant with Eloise), and made an appointment with the veterinarian. I dropped Lacy off at the vet for her appointment on a Tuesday morning, and within thirty minutes I was called by the vet herself saying that I needed to be present for the appointment; I had been in a pulmonology appointment with Eloise at the time, so after dropping Eloise off at PPEC I went to the veterinarian with Walter in tow.
We were placed in the first room at the vet clinic, and I could hear Lacy tap-dancing to the door of the room. Her anxiety was out of control, and she was wild. Lacy came through the doorway and jumped in my arms, and as I focused on her and calming her down I could piecemeal hear what the vet was saying. “Blah blah TUMOR… blah blah LIVER… blah blah NOT GOOD.” My heart sank. Lacy was sick, and her “man” was away at training and had no idea what was happening to his “baby dog”. She had a tumor on her liver causing the extreme thirst she had, the GI issues she was having, and the pain that she tried so hard to hide. The vet and I decided to just keep Lacy comfortable and stable with pain killers until Peter came home (my goal), but also decided that if she took a turn that I’d bring her in and let her go.
That night I scoured the internet for articles, blog posts, anything to help me tell the kids that their Lulu would be going to doggie heaven sometime soon (but honestly I didn’t know when it would be). I found some great resources (linked at the bottom of this post), and made an action plan. I ordered two stuffed Weimaraner puppies from Amazon for the kids as a gift from Lacy, and when they arrived I had bows wrapped around their necks. The kids came home from school, found their “Lulu” on their respective bed, and after dinner I took Walter and Eloise to PetSmart to pick out collars and nametags for their new lovies. Walter was picking out a shark collar for his stuffed Lulu when a woman approached us and asked if we were getting a new puppy soon; instead, I had to quietly point to the sky and mouth “OLD DOG AT HOME”. Not five minutes later, another woman walked by and said, “Oh, are the kids not allowed to have a real dog?”, and Walter quickly replied (loud enough for the entire store to hear), “MY LULU IS GOING TO DOGGIE HEAVEN THIS WEEKEND AND SHE BOUGHT ME THIS STUFFED PUPPY FOR ME SO I’D NEVER FORGET HER!” I lost all emotional control and cried in the dog collar aisle of PetSmart.
Ten long days after the diagnosis, Peter came home. The kids were SO HAPPY to see their daddy at the airport and seeing the three of them run to each other was a moment I’ll never forget. Lacy greeted Peter in our apartment hallway, and before she even saw him, she knew he was home. I stepped into the apartment first, grabbed a treat and the second I opened the front door she was down the hallway in a flash. She jumped into his lap standing up, as my dad would say about her. And she did, and was the happiest dog I had ever seen. She made it to see him. It was such a happy time and we were all thrilled to have Peter home, but explaining Lacy’s situation and dealing with the impending loss of her was the elephant in the room. Lacy had laid on her good side on the floor within five minutes of Peter being home, and it was the first time that Peter saw what I had seen for the past three weeks. I told him about Lacy’s close calls while he was away, and that I tried everything I could to make her happy and that I would doubt myself every time I thought “this was it”.
Peter took her back to the vet the Sunday he got home to hear the diagnosis himself (something I wanted), and he came home with information about in-home euthanasia companies. We knew this would be something we wanted for Lacy, and having her in the comfort of our home without any vet clinic anxiety would be worth every single penny. I called Lap of Love, a nationwide collective of veterinarians who offer in-home euthanasia, and was directed to the company’s local office here in Orlando, and they were wonderful and so very caring over the phone. I felt like I had made the right choice in choosing to do this at home, and now I know I absolutely did. I scheduled the appointment for two days after Lacy’s 11th birthday on May 20th so the kids could celebrate her one last time, and also scheduled it while the kids were at school.
Wednesday, May 22nd came around quickly, and the kids kissed and hugged on their Lulu before Peter took the kids to school. I drove down the street to Foxtail coffee to grab some sweet treats for Lacy to eat on her own, per the Laps of Love vet’s recommendations; she’d always be given little bites here and there from Eloise (read: snack sharing queen), but that day she had two large apple fritters all to herself. The veterinarian from Lap of Love, Dr. Lauren, arrived at 10:30, and she was the most caring veterinarian I had ever met. She was attentive and so gentle with all of us, and she said all of the right things at the right time. She was perfect, and while I know this veterinarian does this as a profession, she made us feel like Lacy was the most important patient she’s ever had, and had only met her less than an hour before. We all cried, Dr. Lauren included. Lacy’s passing was the most calm, peaceful, and beautiful moment that I could’ve imagined for her. We chose to have Lacy cremated and she will be buried at the farm in Texas where she loved to run in the pastures.
The kids have grieved in their own ways and while I’m thankful that Walter is old enough to understand where his Lulu is now, Eloise is too young to understand. Even now, after two weeks, Eloise still sometimes searches the house for her Lulu and lays in the spot where her bed was; snuggling Lacy on her dog bed was Eloise’s favorite. Eloise loved to share her snacks with Lacy, and I find Goldfish and whole peanut butter crackers on the floor that she’s left to “give” to her dog. It makes me pause each time, but then I see the kids snuggling on their stuffed Lulus that Lacy gave them before her passing and it makes it better. Walter will ask me what doggie heaven looks like and if he can send her the toys she’s left behind, and at night will sometimes tell me that he asked God if he would pet her and give her some treats for him. It’s the sweetest, and also makes me cry alone in the bathroom. We all miss her so much.
—
For those that have a family pet that is getting older, I highly recommend these articles to help:
Saying Goodbye to a Family Pet by Scholastic Parents is a great resource for parents and how kids can grieve differently, and how reaching out to the child’s teacher can help too.
Losing a Pet- How to Help Your Toddler Deal With Death by WhatToExpect.com gives a great action plan for parents to explain and answer questions their toddler might have.
Grief After the Death of a Beloved Pet explains the stages of grief, that have helped explain Walter’s grieving process perfectly.
How to Tell Your Child About Putting a Dog Down: Dos and Don’ts shares the child’s psyche at specific ages and what they can understand at that age. This is also a great resource for what not to say to your child.
For in-home euthanasia, I absolutely recommend using Lap of Love to find the local veterinarian in your area. Our experience was better than I could’ve ever asked for, and we received a follow-up email the following day from Dr. Lauren checking in on us. They are absolutely, 110% worth every penny.
I ordered the stuffed Weimaraner lovies for the kids from Douglas Cuddle Toy company via Amazon, and they have a huge selection of lovies for lots of dog and cat breeds.
